(circa 1980s for sure, and yes. that is my parent's dining room wall. let's just sum it up with: they eloped to Hawaii, and my dad just couldn't let it go (: as for the hair? This was the section of my life entitled THE GREAT CHOP. My dad, who was raising me, was (and I quote: SICK AND @#$% tired of all that hair) which was to my waist. When my mom saw it, I thought the Holy Heavens were going to erupt right down on us in the gas station parking lot during what was also entitled THE GREAT EXCHANGE PLACE. Instead, they swapped pleasantries and off I drove in the backseat contemplating how I could hide the horrendous do from Scott Kidd and Brian Kent, the cutest (two of four) boys in my class. If I remember correctly, they called me "Baldy" which made absolutely no sense since I had hair. Much better than the nickname: TRIANGLES, which I acquired after the new gym teacher at our teensy elementary school decided we would all be wearing ALL WHITE to gym class. I will leave the rest to imagination. (Josh will snort like a stuck hog at the Triangles story...ridiculous...it still haunts me (:
When I was growing up, I remember how I always plotted for the day when I would make my own rules for myself. I would be the boss, you see - not my (what I thought then) strict parents.
Oh how life changes you. Especially the having your own little person part. That's the real kicker.
Now I really know.
(are you still laughing at that picture? there is a reason for it...)
I have been feeling myself change here of late. The GREAT CHANGE perhaps I'll look back one day and call this section of my life. Which, of course and obviously, would be lightyears better than the aforementioned sections "Triangles," "Baldy," or "The Great Chop."
What is this change? I keep asking myself.
And still, I don't really know.
I was taking in my sweet Joyce Meyer the other morning, sitting still and actually paying attention...and she was speaking on the changes that must take place in our lives in order for new and different and often, good things to happen for us. The Morphing, she called it. Like a seed. Or, a death of one self to gain the new self.
Here is what I gleaned from this:
a) that it is possible to live a long long life, and never give anything to anybody. (this makes me sad)
b) 24I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ~ John 12:24
c) And, that John wrote in the Bible: I Die Daily. that, my dears, is profound to me.
d) in each of us, are gifts. God has instilled a piece of himself in each of us...and we are to stretch these abilities and use them to do Good for Others.
e) when i think about this, it's like we are all - every single last one of us...our enemies, our friends, people you pass at the bank, at your kid's school, etc....we are all a great orchestra.
f) To paraphrase Joyce: "The Mystery of the Ages is Christ in Us. We are meant to understand what God has invested in us. All things are possible with God! There is a great future that has been bought and paid for ... we are not to let fears dominate our lives."
g) There is much to learn from seeds: A seed is a hard shell, but there is life in it. In order for that life to come forth, seeds must be put - alone - in the cold, hard ground. Away from light. Away from others. As a seed sits in this position, the outer hull breaks off, and life in it? Well, it grows.
This is elementary, it seems. Every night last week, as JC's class prepared to make a trip to the pumpkin patch, we had books of the process of how a pumpkin comes forth from a tiny seed. The sequence of events: seed, with light and rain, grows into a seedling - and so on.
Yesterday, during my everyday-pick-up-cuz-mom-will-get-it routine, I stopped for just one second and thought: hmmm. It is almost winter. Which means that in just a few months, I can say that for one year I have made it working for myself. There is growth around me, and I feel a bajillion times better now than I did about 3.6 seconds after I made the leap. In short, I am not making our family starve after my decision to change my life story and path a bit...the change from being a corporate America editor into turning Starr Strung into a thriving business. In short: making my creative hobby support my life.
The initial shock of my life change was r o u g h and s c a r y. like, seriously freak-out scary. I don't really know why, looking back. Everything was just perfectly fine. It was just like it is now, but I didn't see it. I felt alone. I felt scared. I felt like I had made (and have, since then, several times felt this way) like I had made a MONUMENTAL mistake.
But, looking back now, I realize this was the planting of my "seed." I had to spend this time - and will surely spend time like this again - alone, in the dark, away from comforts, to "die" of my old self, so that a new, seedling self could be born.
How magnificent. My heart swells as I type that.
I could type it a million times over, just like I am in the 4th grade writing sentences of "I will not spit on the boys in my class," after they called me Baldy during my time reading from our readers. Which, my dears, was a VERY important piece of my day. I turned half of my walk in closet growing up into an "office," where I would recite from my Laura Ingalls Wilder and Nancy Drew Books. When I read during those years, people needed to listen.
And now, as I have emerged more into the proverbial pumpkin, I am called upon to be everything that I am to be. I am to die to myself, and live for a much higher power. I am to love my enemies (even pray for them, which...I want to say, I am doing. And Lord Almighty it feels so darn good). I am to be nice when noone is being nice to me. I am to be kind when I am grumpy. Giving when I feel scared and poor. Ignoring the pain of my flesh when my soul calls for more. Let go of the past, and what has defined me then...and embrace what I am now: New, Revived, Loved, Forgiven.
These transformations...they are not easy. They haven't always been kind to me. But they are necessary. Because for growth to happen, you must allow for a certain "death." A shedding. A leave-it-all-behind because you are very worth it, and the end result is what your life plan is to be.
Trust me...I went from "Baldy" to "Stormy" (:
Happy weekend to you, and thank you for hearing my heart this day...
"20I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." ~ Galations 2:20
I want to share this too, given to me by sweet Mary Jayne. I love you MJ!
"Psalms 94:19 ...what a comfort that the Creator of the universe who breathed the stars into existence will console my anxious thoughts and bring joy to my soul! "